Growing Pains of Parenthood...

    

Being a parent is one of the most challenging jobs there is, especially in a single-parent household. The time needed to take care of each person in the house, the emotional support needed to keep the peace, the hours of work to financially support everyone, and the mental battle that goes on in your head trying to figure out if you're doing the right thing takes everything you have inside of you. Then there's the conscience mind that wonders if all of those decisions were the "right" things to do. Although there are so many books written on parenting, there is no "one-size-fits-all" answer since every family's dynamics are different and no two kids are the same.
     I seemed to have developed a habit of using a hashtag on Instagram "MomOf3" when I post photos with my kids. A lot has changed in my family over the last few years, which I know is what is supposed to happen...kids grow up and move on. It seems so much easier to move on when you're the child than it is when you're the parent (or at least it was for me).
   

My oldest son who is now 25 joined the US Air Force full time at 22 years old and went from Basic Training to being stationed  in Germany for 2 years and has been back in my own state just an hour or so away and visits on some weekends. I was fortunate enough to visit him in Germany and more fortunate to have him so close to home and on safe grounds.

     My 22-year old daughter who has also become my best friend is a very talented makeup artist who lives at home and is getting ready to go back to school to be a veterinarian's assistant or something to help save animals. Being a vegan myself who influenced her decision of becoming a vegetarian, I am SO happy that she is choosing this for her future career. I'm also grateful to have an amazing makeup artists living with me to make me look flawless when needed :)
     I got separated in my marriage when my youngest son was 3 weeks old and ironically the same time he became colicky and didn't stop crying until he was about 9 months old. There aren't  a lot of people that can handle a child that screams bloody-murder for months at a time. I don't really know how I didn't have a nervous breakdown under the circumstances, but I've always been a firm believer of "That which doesn't conquer you makes you stronger"...words to live by!
     Somehow I went back to school to become an x-ray technologist at Bergen Community College while still teaching aerobics classes and waiting tables and graduated with a 3.98 GPA. I look back now when I can't sit still long enough to read a chapter in a book and wonder how I did it. Bottom line is...we do what we have to do to take care of our family.
    

So this emotional, wish-washy blog I'm writing today is because I just found out that my 19-year old son whom I thought was just "training" for a few more months for the US Air Force Reserves actually just got an apartment near the base with my older son and will not be living home at least for the life of the lease which is one year (or never again for all I know). I am SO PROUD of how much he has accomplished since he graduated high school a  year ago, (not to mention the car he just bought without telling me last weekend) but am also sad that my baby that was rubbing my arm until he was 17 has grown up so much in the last 6 months, that he really doesn't need me anymore.

     I can remember as a child having pains in my legs that I couldn't describe and my mom would always tell me they were "growing pains" so I left it as that. Now that I am fully grown physically and realize that the mental and emotional aspects of growing are much worse than the physical, I wonder...is this part of a "Mid-life Crisis" or just "Growing Pains of Parenthood"?

Life As I Know It...About To Change

   

          

          Do you ever wish you could be in two places at one time or that you need to be two people to get everything done? I remember playing Tug of War in gym class, which is when there are several people at each end of a long rope pulling as hard as they can to get the other team to cross the center line over to their own side, ultimately winning the game. It's a test of strength, endurance, and a lot of determination. Many people give up pulling when their arms get tired causing their team to lose while others keep pulling until their hands are raw from the rope. This is survival of the FITTEST!

     I don't recall always being as hyper as I am now, but that probably has more to do with becoming a single mom with three small children, one who was an infant (18 years ago), and trying to DO IT ALL. I went from being a stay-home mom working part-time as a Fitness Instructor and taking some occasional classes at school, to a Full-time student in an x-ray program, training clients at 5:30am, teaching Aerobics classes after dinner, studying after the kids went to bed so I could maintain my "A" average, and then being a server every Friday and Saturday at the Meadowlands Race Track and every Sunday at Giants Stadium (now Metlife Stadium) for the Giants and Jets games.

I've been very fortunate to always have the support of a good family and true friends, but ultimately, the responsibility is mine.
     I've heard people say "That which doesn't conquer you makes you STRONGER" and I am a firm believer in that. I was very driven and determined when I was growing up. Gymnastics was my favorite thing to be doing at all times and I expected immediately to be able to do everything the gymnasts did on TV. This is a sport that requires you to start early so you have no fear of falling and getting hurt.You gain strength, flexibility, grace,  and the ability to fall over and over again and be able to just get right back up and keep going (a skill that has come in very handy as an adult!).  My first heartbreak was when I was about 12 years old and realized that I started too late to ever be good enough to be in the Olympics. My life today is very similar and one of what I call "Mental Gymnastics".

   

     So now my oldest son is in the U S Air Force full-time, my daughter finished Parisian Beauty Academy and is a makeup artist, and my youngest son just finished high school and is going into the US Air Force Reserves to be a Boom Operator, so maybe things will be calming down for me....yeah right!!! Maybe it's a touch of OCD but it's a good thing I am hyper or I'd never be able to work at the hospital, teach classes or workout, train clients, go to Times Square to be the Naked Cowgirl (in my "spare time"), cook for my son, clean my house, check emails, write an occasional blog....oh yeah, and have a social life! I've just gotten better over the years at "multitasking" and have a tendency to take on more projects than I have time in a day to complete. 

     Some times I really wish there were two of me, someone just like me to help me finish my tasks for the day...but don't we all! I know a cleaning service, a publicist, and personal assistant would definitely help, but until then....keep the coffee coming! It will be interesting to see what the next chapters of my life will bring now that the kids are mostly grown up, both sons out of the house for the most part, and my house being just a female house for the first time with just my daughter, with the exception of my dog Willie who is definitely an Alpha male. I guess this is a good time to reinvent myself, find that peaceful place within, and be open to unlimited possibilities!